US economy may need a dose of Viagra: Buffet

The investor showed support for a second stimulus package, arguing the first was like "half a tablet of Viagra with a bunch of candy mixed in"

Celebrated investor Warren Buffett said he was a huge bull on America and expected it to emerge from the recession "stronger than ever," but he told Good Morning America that he wouldn't be surprised if US unemployment hit 11 per cent and a second stimulus package was needed to kick-start the economy.

"I think a second one may well be called for. It is not a panacea. A stimulus is the right thing. You hope it doesn't get watered down," Buffet told ABC television's "Good Morning America" on Thursday.

"We're not in a freefall, but we're not in a recovery either," he added.

The CEO of Berkshire Hathaway compared President Obama's first $787 billion stimulus package to "half a tablet of Viagra and then having also a bunch of candy mixed in - it doesn't have really quite the wallop."

Buffett acknowledged that the actions taken by the government would lead to a bigger budget deficit. "It will happen and I worry about it, but I would worry more if we weren't doing anything right now." He compared the current situation to "a friend that is sinking in quicksand."

"You throw them a rope and they tie it around themselves and a car pulls them out, they may dislocate a couple of shoulders but it's still the right thing to do. And we are doing things which will have negative consequences down the road, but they are still the right thing to do to get us out of this particular economic quicksand that we are in."

Buffett said Americans will have to give the economy time to recover, particularly when it comes to surplus houses.

"The American public will get disappointed, but it is going to take time to work through the overhang of houses, for example," he said. "You can't cure that in a day or a week or a month, so a stimulus doesn't cure that."

The world's second richest man known as the "Oracle from Omaha" because of his history of successful investments also shared his top three pieces of advice for average investors who want to grow their savings.

Number one: "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is."

Number two: "Always look at how much the other guy is making if he is trying to sell you something."

Number three: "Don't go into debt."

"Stay away from leverage," he said. "Nobody ever goes broke that doesn't owe money." He said America's "binge," was fuelled largely by over-borrowing by both individuals and companies. "The US public as a whole has gotten into problems from leverage, financial institutions have gotten into problems through leverage," said Buffett. "A long, long time ago a friend said to me about leverage, 'If you're smart you don't need it, and if you're dumb, you got no business using it."


Children Writing About the Ocean

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
- (Kelly, age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls.
- (Jerry, age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by ocean you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.
- ( Wayne, age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more.
- (Kylie, age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.
- (Billy, age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs.
- (Millie, age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.
- (William, age 7)

8) Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?
- (Helen, age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
- (Amy, age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
- (Christopher, age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
- (Kevin, age 6)

13) On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat butt.
- (Julie, age 7)

14) The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know.
- (Bobby, age 6)
15) My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
- (James, age 7)


The Hair Dryer

A woman asked the Priest sitting beside her on a air flight, 'Father, may ask a favour?'
'Of course. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought a very expensive Swiss woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked: 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father..........Next!'


One of our teachers....

Used to bring her whippet to school with her.
The cruel cow used to keep it in her car all day. with a window open a little bit to let the air in.
One swelteringly summers day we decided that the time had come to be cruel to be kind and so pushed a full bar of laxative chocolate through the car window.
I can only ask that you use your imagination to the fullest when picturing the scene resulting from a dog that has completely loosed its bowels in the back of a car that was doubling as a greenhouse on that summers day.
The contorted expressions that the teachers face went through as she attempted to get the car into a drivable state whilst hundreds of pupils gathered round to watch was fantastic.

She never did bring the dog to school again.